I'm sorry, I apologize

For you millions of people who read this, I'm sorry I have a boring, unblobaboutable life, and also that I don't have the brilliant humor to find something blogaboutable about it. It was kind of quixotic of me to start a blog, you know.
So, I've decided to make a list of ten things that would make my life Blogaboutable.
I can just feel the excitement in this room.

1. If a terrorist milkman blew up the mall.
First of all, we don't have milkmen anymore, so that would be awesome to begin with.
Then, a regular terrorist attack is worth headlines; one on a town as small as Osborne would be worthy of a blog post.
Thirdly, we don't even have a mall.

2. If an new species of fish was discovered in our basement.
This one isn't very likely either, mostly because there shouldn't be enough water in our basement to have undiscovered fish in it. Then again, it could be able to withstand temperatures of 247.19 degrees, and lives in the hot water heater.

3. If a band of Italians staged a coup on the courthouse.
I'm not sure why Italians would do that, but we do have a Pizza Hut. It's about time we got a Fazoli's, too. Come to think of it, I'm kind of looking forward to this.

4. If an English cellist millionaire came to town and held a Fancy Beard contest.
I know, I have a strange fascination with strings, and money, and beards. Musicians with beards are very strange to me, however, which is why I don't have one. (Among other reasons.) However, I know I would make an excellent Fancy Beard Judge. Plus, the Englishman and I could play background music together.

5. If a Noose Museum was established on Van Buren Street.
I don't know why Van Buren street, but Van Buren had dramatic sideburns, and people were still being hanged when he was alive. And, sideburns and nooses are made out of the same stuff.

6. If all the rain drops were lemon drops and gum drops.
Blogaboutable, but perhaps not so exciting. Why would anyone make lemon drops, anyway? Why would you make candy out of the worst fruit in the world? Why don't they make mango drops, or avacado drops?

7. If a new restaurant opened that only sold caviar.
You may be thinking, "Caviar is an appetizer. Caviar doesn't make a meal. What is caviar? This blog dude's probably never even had caviar." You're right, I haven't. That's why I want the restaurant.

8. If King Arthur came back.
I would personally greet him, because Arthur and I and personal friends. In fact, he taught me everything I know about hamster hunting. Got to miss the good old days.

9. If an alien parachuted to earth.
No list of ten things would be complete without a cliche like aliens. However, this alien is different in that he plays the hurdy-gurdy. A little behind the times, perhaps, but hey, anyone who plays the hurdy-gurdy is a friend of mine. After all, I did help invent it.

10. If there were more lists of ten things.