The Formula for a really holy sermon

Tonight I was forced to preach on not glorying in your wisdom, might, or riches, which, fortunately, I was perfectly qualified to do, seeing as I have always been wise mighty and very rich.
Oh yes.
Well anyway, here's the formula to a really holy sermon:

1. Make it 80% scripture.
In theory, you could make it 100% scripture, but everyone can read the Bible on their own and they don't need you to read it to them. That's kind of the point of a sermon, you know.
Making it mostly Bible verses will sound really holy and yet still sound like you almost don't want to insult their intellect.

2. Make it 3% dramatic pauses during which you stare down the congregation.
People hate being stared down and feeling convicted, so go light on this one. You should probably throw most of it in near the end. You know, during the invitation that an amateur preacher doesn't give.

3. Make it 9% waving your arms around when you talk.
People love this part, but here's one warning: don't point at the ceiling. That's the biggest sermon cliches out there. Unless you do it with both hands and lean back, like Dustin Colquitt. That would be cool.

4. Make it 5% C.S. Lewis quotes.
C.S. Lewis of course has the holiest quotes of anyone. Actually, I rarely hear any. Maybe you're only supposed to quote him on the day of atonement. Perhaps you should reconsider that part.

5. Make it 4% imperfect analogies.
Analogies are awesome, but most are imperfect. Maybe that's why the formula adds up to 101%. (That other 1% is God. It really is.) Maybe it means we're not perfect, but God is, or that what's impossible with men is possible with God. See how holy this turned out to be? Even the post is an analogy.